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Give 'em the gift of the gab

1 Jan 2005

What boosts your child's self-esteem, helps you bond with him and makes him feel loved? What helps him socialise and improves his listening and learning, too? It's not some wonder-therapy or a complicated teaching technique. It's simple. Research shows talking and listening to your child more not only makes him feel valued and loved, but also boosts brainpower and makes him a confident communicator.

But 75% of headteachers across the UK say that in the past five years, more and more children started nursery or school with poor communication skills, unable to form a sentence and make themselves understood. And what's really worrying for mums is that children with poor language skills are more likely to have learning, behaviour and relationship problems in later life.

So why the sudden decline in language development of under-3s? There's a whole host of possible reasons, says Liz Attenborough, manager of the National Literacy Trust's Talk To Your Baby campaign

Parents' hectic working patterns mean there's less time to talk. Family mealtimes together are a rarity these days and buggies face away from the mums so there's less chance for eye contact," she explains. "What's more, some parents feel that expensive educational toys teach communication skills, when time spent just reading to or playing with their children would bring as much pleasure and more benefits.

So - let's get talking! It sounds easy, doesn't it? But with so much going on in our lives, we often don't have as much time to spend doing this as we'd like to. And when we do get five minutes together, we just want to switch off, turn on the telly and plonk them in front of it with a bag of chocolate buttons. Well, the good news is that TV isn't all bad, as long as it's in moderation. In fact, it can be a great talking opportunity when you watch it with your little one, says Liz Attenborough. "Videos are especially good because the repetition and familiarity of words and phrases makes it easier for children to learn from them." Switch off the TV after the programme has finished and discuss what you've seen with your child. Try to limit TV time to around half an hour for under-2s or an hour for 3- to 5-year-olds.

Other simple steps can make a world of difference, too. No matter how busy you are, you can fit talking to your child in your daily routine so that everything becomes a learning experience. Talk about the shopping as you're putting it away. Chat about the birds and cars you pass as you walk him to the park. Make eye contact with your child as much as you can when you talk.

Debbie Hawkes, 33, from Leicester, found bathtime was a great opportunity to encourage her son Ashley, 3, to talk. She says: "He loved pointing to his body parts - head, hands, feet and tummy - and getting me to name them and pour water over them with a toy watering can. I'd encourage him to say the words after me, and over time he began saying the words himself instead of just pointing."

You may not get a two-way conversation going for some time, but keep talking anyway - and don't feel daft when you're out and about. Shirley Davies, 39, from Coventry, says: One day I was at the supermarket with my daughter Layla, 9 months. I chatted as I put the groceries in the trolley and one old guy came up to me and said, "You're wasting your breath - she won't answer you!" I felt really small, but I carried on because I know Layla loves to be talked to and she's a person in her own right. Why should she be ignored?

Liz Attenborough agrees. "The key is to chat whenever you can," she says. "Show you're interested in what your child is trying to tell you by stopping to listen to him too. You are your child's first and greatest teacher - he loves the sound of your voice and will learn more from you than anyone else."

"I teach them through play"

Lianne Harper, 39, from Stockport, took her children's language development for granted - till she found there were problems. She says: "My eldest, Michael, now 15, had a big vocabulary by the age of 2. But Cameron, now 10, was slow to talk and eventually diagnosed autistic." When her third son Ashley, now 7, showed a language delay, Lianne took action. "I enrolled Ashley into a private nursery for two days a week, hoping he'd pick up words from the other children. His speech improved but looking back I think it was because I was spending more time speaking and reading to him at home. When Bethany, now 2, came along, I made a conscious effort to talk to her more, sing nursery rhymes and read to her as much as possible with the result that she was saying her first words before she was 1. Now she's a real chatterbox and so confident. I've come to realise that you can't just rely on them picking up words from what they hear in the background. They need to be spoken to and listened to."

"Books helped his language skills"

Tracey Coles, 32, from Cardiff, is mum to Daniel, 3. Daniel was frustrated because he struggled with words. "Until recently, Daniel would point at things, mumble and I'd say the word for him," Tracey says. "When he wanted tot tell me something he couldn't point at, I didn't understand and he'd get cross. My health visitor said he'd need speech therapy. But in the meantime, his nursery set up a Language and Play class. Daniel loved it and I learnt new ways of communicating with him. The teachers told me to make a bag of props to go with his favourite story, We're Going On A Bear Hunt. It really sparked his interest. He couldn't get enough of the book and I saw a huge improvement in his words. It was like a switch was turned on - suddenly he could speak clearly and build sentences. Now when he wants something, he's able to tell me."

(This article is from Prima Baby magazine, April 2005)

Tags: Talk To Your Baby