Literacy news

Early communication and good manners

20 Oct 2005

Communication is an important element in helping your child to grow up to be kind, caring, polite and respectful. Following are some of the tips provided by Dr William Sears, dad of eight children, parenting expert and co-author of The Good Behaviour Book in an article in Your Family magazine.

Teach them early

How early? Try infancy! From the beginning, communicate with your baby by a soft word and a gentle touch. When your nine-month-old grabs a handful of your hair and pulls hard, don't yell. Unfurl her fist and tell her to 'be gentle'. She learns to be gentle from your example long before she understands the word.

Modelling manners

Between the ages of two and four, what children hear, they say. Let your child hear you say 'please', 'thank you', 'excuse me' and 'you're welcome' often. Though they don't yet understand the social graciousness of polite words, toddlers conclude that 'please' is how you ask for things and 'thank you' is how you end an interaction. Plant these social niceties into their vocabulary early so they become a part of their developing speech. Your child learns these words are important because mummy and daddy use them a lot with nice expressions on their faces.

Address by name

We have always used the name of our child when opening a request, such as: 'Hayden, will you please help me with the dishes?'. Our children picked up on this and address us by: 'Mum, may I.' or 'Dad, would you.'. Even though politeness didn't always get them what they wanted, I always commented on my kid's politeness to let them know I appreciated it.

Eye contact

One of the most important social graces is teaching your child to look at people when she talks to them. The way you talk to your child teaches your child how to talk to others. When addressing your child, squat to her eye level and engage eye-to-eye contact to get her attention. Open your request with 'Lilly, will you please.'. If her eyes wander, simply say 'Lilly, I need your eyes. I need your ears'. Return eye contact when your child addresses you.

Teach respect

Some parents teach their children to address adults as Mr, Mrs, Ms or Miss. Some address their parents' friends by their first names while others use 'aunt' or 'uncle'. Whatever is done in your family, teach your child what is expected of her in different situations. When you don't know a person's name, use 'excuse me'. And if the person has a title, such as doctor or reverend, use it. Respectful listening is another skill that's important. Remind your child not to interrupt and to wait for an appropriate time to add their comments. When your child approaches you to talk, turn away from what you're doing, make eye contact and listen with interest.

(Extracted from an article by Dr William Sears in Your Family magazine, Autumn 2005)

Tags: Talk To Your Baby

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