The Fear Within
By Rebecca Hurst

"Janet Howard, the doctor will see you now," called the bored nurse in a dismissive voice. "Good Luck", said Janet's best friend Angie Parkinson. Janet (or Jan for short) was having a blood test, not an ordinary blood test though; this was to see if Jan had ovarian cancer. Angie had recently lost her sister Judith to cancer so she was very worried for her friend.

Ten minutes passed and soon enough Jan stepped out of the doctor's office with a grim look on her face. "Well," she said, "I won't get the results for a week, until then its fingers crossed; but the doctor said that it doesn't look too good."

"Don't worry, it will turn out ok, after all it is still in the early stages and you're really lucky to have caught it so early!" Angie replied reassuringly, " At least you aren't in Judith's position, when she found out it was to late," Angie broke off when she saw the look on Jan's face and wiped a tear from her eye.

One week later.....

"It's here, Angie it's here," Jan cried as she saw the letter sitting on her doormat. The letter saying whether or not the cancer was malignant was finally here. "Well, what does it say," asked Angie anxiously

"It says,
Dear Madam Regarding your recent blood test we would like to invite you to a consultation regarding your results on Monday 23rd February 2003, at 10:30 am in Dr Leadsman's clinic at Kelvedon Hospital. Please contact us so we can confirm the date of the consultation regarding your health status on the following number: 0208 774 989 or e-mail at Drleadmen@health.org.uk
Sincerely,
Dr A.D. Leadmen
Kelvedon Hospital

"Well, they didn't have to make it so obvious" sighed Jan

"Oh no, Jan I'm so sorry, I, I don't know what to say," stuttered Angie.

"That's ok, I wasn't expecting much different, I just wish..." Jan trailed off, leaving her hopes and dreams behind her, flattened by her newly discovered disease.

Four weeks later....

Angie was shopping at the local market when it happened, Dave her husband called and told her that Jan had collapsed in the street and was being rushed into the intensive care unit at Kelvedon Hospital. Angie was shocked and raced to her car to meet Dave there.

When she got there Angie was told to sit and wait until a doctor told her that she could go in and see Jan. Angie felt helpless, she wanted to help Jan but didn't know how. After a long three hour wait, Dr Leadmen came out of the ward to give her some news. "Janet, after a long fight to regain consciousness sadly passed away in her bed a little while ago, if you would like too see her you may, but please be quiet as it is late."

"Janet's gone," whispered Angie, "But, Why?"

"Come on Angie, lets go in," Dave urged,

"I, I can't, I feel so guilty, it's so sudden, it's all too much."

The funeral....

Everything was arranged for Janet's funeral, Angie had come to pieces, she would sit on the couch all day crying, Janet was her best friend, but now she was gone, her entire world had fallen apart.

Janet's family had organised the funeral, Angie couldn't bear the thought of it so declined the offer to arrange the service, which Janet's mother had asked personally. Angie dressed for the funeral, and stared at herself in the mirror. "Look at me," she thought, "I'm a miserable, moping, mess, I have fallen to pieces and cried so much, I need to get help! What would Janet think of this?" The funeral was short and simple, nothing fancy which Janet wouldn't have liked, just plain and black, yet that hadn't stopped everyone present buying a huge wreath in Janet's memory. Angie had written a small note and had slipped it into Jan's coffin, it said of how sorry she was that she did not see her that day, and that she was the best friend anyone could have wished for. On the front of the envelope was written;

To Jan, My best friend.

Coping.....

After the funeral Angie became more distraught than ever, she was too scared to go out and was ashamed of herself.

Dave suggested that she should see a councillor to try and help her yet things were not going well and were perhaps getting worse.

Angie finally gave in and agreed to see a councillor, by the name of Dr Walsh. Her first session went well; Angie was told to keep talking to people about her problems and regain some social confidence. Angie was soon back on track and piecing her life together. Her family was very supportive and she hardly ever cried anymore thanks to Dr Walsh. After 3 long months Angie had recovered from her traumas, and was steering her way towards a new job and life.

The offer....

Angie was smiling, which she hadn't done in a long time. She was happy, for the first time in a year. She had just been offered a job in counselling, to help those in need, like her before. She had just accepted her job offer and was ecstatic; she couldn't help to cure cancer, but she could now help those who have been affected by it.

She was a councillor who worked for the cancer charity trust; she worked 7 hours a day and could finally put her past behind her.

Angie was helping everyone she could, for now she realised, that you only have one life and there is no point in wasting it. Especially to something so small, or to moping around feeling sorry for yourself. Angie had learnt what life was all about, and she didn't plan to waste hers. She knew that there was only so much time left, and she thanked Jan every night for being there for her. For now Angie had got a grip on reality, and now takes nothing for granted.